Dyer Wayne. Your wrong areas.
In the first place, and this will be the most obvious, you
will see that they are people who enjoy virtually everything that life offers
them; people who are comfortable doing anything and don't waste time
complaining or wishing things were different. They have a zest for life and
want everything they can get out of it.
They like to go on excursions, go to the movies, read, play
sports, attend concerts, visit cities, farms, look at animals, mountains and
really almost everything. They like life. When you are around people like this,
you will notice the absence of moans and even passive sighs. If it rains, they
like it. If it's hot they enjoy it instead of complaining. Whether they're
stuck in traffic, or at a party, or all alone, they just do their best. It is
not about enjoying everything that happens, but about a wise acceptance of what
is, a rare ability to delight in reality. Ask them what they don't like and
they'll have a hard time giving you an honest answer. They don't act as
sensibly as sheltering from the rain by sheltering indoors, because they find
the rain beautiful, exhilarating, and something worth experiencing. They like.
The mud does not infuriate them: they look at it, splash around in it, and
accept it as part of what it means to be alive. Do you like cats? Yes. The
bears? Yes. The worms? Yes. And although nuisances like diseases, droughts,
mosquitoes, floods and other calamities do not give them pleasure or they
accept them with enthusiasm, they are people who do not spend their present
moments complaining about them or wishing they were not. If certain situations
have to be destroyed, they will try to destroy them. And they will enjoy doing
it. No matter how hard you try, you will have a hard time discovering something
they don't like to do. They really love life and really immerse themselves in
it enjoying everything that it gives them.
Healthy, fulfilled people are free from the guilt and all
the anxiety that comes from using the present moment to get immobilized by
events that happened in the past. They can certainly acknowledge that they've
made mistakes and can promise each other to avoid repeating certain behaviors
that backfired in some way, but they don't waste their time regretting
something they did that they wish they hadn't, or being upset because they
dislike something they did at some point. of his past life. Total lack of guilt
is one of the characteristics of healthy people. No regrets about what happened
and no efforts to get others to pick the blame by asking such vain questions as
"Why didn't you do it differently?" or "Aren't you ashamed of
yourself?" who know how to recognize that life already lived is that, and
that no matter how bad one feels about it, nothing can be done to change what
happened.They themselves feel free of guilt without any effort: because it is
natural, they never help others to choose the blame. They realize that feeling
bad in the present moment only reinforces a person's poor self-image and that
it is much better to learn from the past than to protest the past. You will
never see them manipulating others. Telling them how bad they've been, nor can
you manipulate them with the same tactics. They won't get mad at you, they just
won't listen to you, they'll ignore you. Instead of getting mad at you, they'll
leave or change the subject. they work so well c With most people they
completely fail with these very healthy beings. Instead of making themselves or
others miserable with feelings of guilt, they calmly, unceremoniously put the
guilt aside when it comes their way.
Similarly free people from erroneous zones do not torment
themselves with worries. Some circumstances that could drive other people crazy
hardly affect these individuals. They are neither future planners nor future
savers. They refuse to worry about what will happen in the future and keep
themselves free from the anxiety that accompanies worry. They don't know how to
worry. It is not part of his way of being. It is not that they are necessarily
calm all the time but they are not willing to spend their present moments
suffering for things that may happen in the future and over which they have no
control. They are mainly oriented towards their present moments, and they have
an internal signal that seems to remind them that all worries must happen in
the present moment, and that this is a very silly way to live their present.
These people now live in the present and not in the past or in the future. They
do not feel threatened by the unknown and seek out new experiences that are
unfamiliar to them. They love ambiguity. They enjoy the now on all occasions
convinced that it is all they have. They do not make plans for a future event,
allowing long periods of inactivity to pass while they wait for this event. The
moments between events are as liveable as the events themselves, and these
people have a rare ability to get as much joy out of their daily lives as
possible. They are not "procrastinators" or those who save in case
bad times come, and although our culture does not approve of their behavior,
they do not feel threatened by self-reproach! They appreciate and enjoy their
happiness now and when the future comes and becomes the present they appreciate
and enjoy it too. These individuals always enjoy because they simply realize
how absurd it is to wait to enjoy. It is a very natural way of living life, a
bit like an animal or a child. They are too busy fully realizing the present
moment while most people live expecting payoffs without ever being able to
catch them when they come. These very healthy people are remarkably
independent. They are people who are outside the nest, and although they may feel
great love for their family and be very attached to it, they think that
independence is more important than dependence in all human relationships. They
know how to appreciate very well their own independence, not depending on what
others can do. Their human relationships are based on mutual respect for the
individual's right to make their own decisions. The love of these people does
not imply the imposition of their own values on the loved one. They give
great importance to the intimacy of the human being; which can make others feel
rejected. They like to be alone sometimes, and they take great care to protect
their privacy. They don't get romantically involved with a lot of people. They
are selective when it comes to love, but they are also deeply affectionate.
Dependent and unhealthy people find it difficult to love beings like this
because they are very intransigent when it comes to their individual freedom.
If someone needs them, they reject this need as they find it detrimental to the
other person as well as to themselves. They want the people they love to be
independent, to make their own choices and live their lives for themselves. And
although they may enjoy others and want to be in their company, they want even
more so that others can get by without crutches and without supports. So, the
moment you start to lean on these people, you will realize that they start to
disappear first emotionally and then physically as well. They refuse to depend
on people and be depended on in a caring, caring relationship, but encourage
their self-confidence almost from the start by offering lots of love at every
opportunity.
You will find very little approval seeking among these happy
and fulfilled individuals. They are able to function without the approval and
applause of others. They don't seek honor like most people do.
They are very independent of the opinion of others,
practically not caring if the other person likes what they say or do. They are
not trying to shock anyone or gain their approval. These are people who are
internally driven and who don't really care or care about other people's
evaluation of their behavior. It's not that they're insensitive to applause or
approval: they don't seem to need it. They can even be gruff because they are
honest and don't wrap their messages in carefully thought-out phrases to please
others. If you want to know what they think, that's exactly what they'll tell
you. Likewise, when you say something about them, you will not destroy or
immobilize them with your words and opinions. They will use the information you
give them, filter it through their own values, and use what works for their own
benefit and growth. They do not need to be loved by everyone, nor do they have
an excessive need for approval. They recognize that there will always be those
who disapprove of what they do. They are unusual beings in the sense that they
are capable of functioning as themselves, and not as dictated by a third party.
When you look at these individuals, you notice a lack of enculturation. They are
not rebels, but they make their own choices even though those choices conflict
with what everyone else is doing. They are able to ignore the little
unimportant rules and calmly ignore the useless conventions that are such an
important part of many people's lives. They are NOT fond of attending
"cocktail parties" nor do they make conversation because good manners
advise it. They are masters of themselves and although they consider that
social life is an important part of their lives, they refuse to let it rule
them or become slaves to it. They do not attack rebelliously but internally
they know when to overlook certain things and they function with a clear mind
and in a sensible way.
They are people who accept themselves without complaint.
They know that they are human beings and that being human implies certain human
attributes. They know what their physical aspect is and they accept it. IF they
are tall, perfect, but if they are short too. Baldness is fine, as is thick
hair.
They can withstand sweat. They do not distort their physical
appearance. They have accepted themselves and therefore they are the most
natural people. No hiding behind artifice or apologizing for who they are. They
do NOT know how to be offended by anything that is human. They love themselves
and accept everything in nature as it is instead of wishing it were different.
They never complain about things they can't change like heat waves,
thunderstorms, or cold water. They accept themselves and the world as it is.
Without pretense, without regrets, with a simple acceptance.
Though they've been around for many years, you won't hear them putting
themselves down or subtly wishing for the impossible. You will see active
people act, the doers. You will see how they take the natural world and enjoy
everything it offers.
They appreciate the natural world. They love being outdoors
enjoying nature, happily exploring everything that is still intact, original
and has not yet been damaged. She loves mountains, sunsets, rivers, flowers,
trees, animals, and virtually all flora and fauna. As people they are
naturalists, not pretentious or ceremonious and they love the naturalness of
the universe. They are not busy looking for bars, taverns, night clubs,
conventional parties, smoke-filled rooms and the like, although they are
certainly quite capable of fully enjoying these types of activities. They are
at peace with nature, God's world, if you will, though they are quite capable
of functioning in a man-made world. They are also capable of appreciating what
is no longer of interest to others. They never get tired of a sunset or a hike
through the woods. The sight of a bird in flight is always an admirable sight.
Just as they never tire of looking at a worm or a cat giving birth to her
kittens. Over and over again, they never tire of spontaneously appreciating
what life brings them. Some people find this to be a very artificial attitude
but they don't realize what other people think. They are too busy being amazed
by the breadth of possibilities that life offers them to fully realize
themselves in the present moment.
They have a very special perception regarding the behavior
of others and what may seem complex and indecipherable to others, is clear and
understandable to them. The problems that immobilize so many people are often
just minor annoyances to them. This lack of emotional commitment to problems
allows them to cross barriers that for many are insurmountable. They have clear
perceptions about themselves and immediately recognize what others are trying to
do to them. They can shrug their shoulders and overlook things that make others
angry and immobilized. And certain things that can confuse many people who find
them insoluble, do not frighten them and rather consider them as simple and
easy to solve. They are not monopolized by the problems of their emotional
world. For these people, a problem is really just an obstacle to overcome and
not a reflection of who they are or aren't as people. Their self-worth is
located within themselves, so that any external problem can be seen
objectively, and not, in any case, as a threat or a challenge to their own
worth. This is one of their most difficult personality traits to understand, as
most people feel threatened by external events, ideas, or other people. But independent
and healthy beings do not know how to feel threatened and this characteristic
makes them the ones who seem threatening to others.
They never fight uselessly. They are not in favor of
self-promotion to attract attention to themselves. If the fight can bring about
a change, then they will fight but they will never fight uselessly. They are
not martyrs. They are doers.
They are also people who help others. They usually work on
things that make life more pleasant or more tolerable for others. They are warriors
on the forefront of social change, but they don't take their struggles with
them to bed at night as a breeding ground for ulcers, heart disease, or other
physical disorders. They are incapable of stereotyping. Often they are not even
aware of the physical differences of people including racial, ethnic,
morphological or sexual. They are not shallow people who judge others by their
outward appearance. And although they may seem selfish and concerned only with
their own pleasure, in reality they spend much of their time dedicated to
serving others. Why? Because they like to do it.
They are not sick people. They do not believe in the
immobility caused by colds and headaches. They believe in their own ability to
get rid of those illnesses and they don't go around telling others how bad they
feel, how tired they are, or what illnesses are currently infecting their body.
They treat their bodies well. They love themselves and
therefore eat well, exercise regularly (as a way of life), and refuse to
experience the kind of ailments that disable many people for various lengths of
time. They like to live well, and so they do.
Another characteristic of these fully functioning
individuals is honesty. His answers are not evasive or intended to lie about
anything. They see lying as a distortion of their own reality and refuse to
engage in any kind of behavior that serves to deceive themselves. And although
they are discreet people, they will avoid having to distort the truth to
protect people. They know they are in charge of their own world and others are
too. Thus they behave in a way that others may often consider cruel, but in
reality what they do is simply let others make their own decisions. They
efficiently deal with what is, instead of what they would like it to be.
These people do not blame others. Their personality
orientation is internal and they refuse to hold others responsible for who they
are. For the same reason, they do not waste much time talking about others, nor
are they obsessed with what others do or do not do. They don't talk about
people, they talk to them! They do not blame others; they help others and
themselves to put responsibility where it belongs. They do not get into gossip
or spread biased and evil information. They are so busy living their own lives
efficiently that they don't have time to deal with the trifles that clutter
many people's lives. Makers do. Critics blame and complain. These individuals
do not care much about order, organization, or systems in their lives. They
practice self-discipline but have no need for things and people to fit their
own perceptions of what things should be. They are not full of
"shoulds" regarding the conduct of others. They believe that everyone
is entitled to their choices and that the little things that drive other people
crazy are simply the result of someone else's decision. They do not believe
that the world must be somehow special. They do not care much about order and
cleanliness. They exist in a functional way and if everything is not as they would
like it to be, they find that to be correct as well. For these people, the
organization is simply a useful way of acting and not an end in itself. And it
is precisely because of this lack of organizational neurosis that they are
creative. They tackle anything in their own unique way, whether it's making a
bowl of soup, writing a report, or mowing the lawn. They apply their
imagination to their actions and the result is a creative way of doing things.
They don't feel obligated to do things a certain way. They don't consult
manuals or talk to experts: they simply attack the problem in the way that
seems most appropriate to them. This is called creativity; and without
exception, they have it.
These are people with especially high energy levels. They
seem to need less sleep and yet feel stimulated by life. They live and are
healthy. You can muster tremendous bursts of energy to complete a task because
you choose to engage in it by viewing it as an exciting activity that you do in
the present moment. This energy is not supernatural: it is simply the result of
your love of life and all the activities it provides. They don't know how to be
bored. All life events offer opportunities to do, think, feel and live, and
they know how to apply their energy in almost all circumstances. If imprisoned,
they would engage their minds in creative ramblings to avoid the paralysis of
disinterest. There is no boredom in their lives because they channel the same
energy that others have in ways that are productive for themselves.
They are aggressively curious. They never know enough. They
always seek more and want to learn each and every present moment of their
lives. They are not worried about doing it right or having done it wrong. If
something doesn't pan out, or doesn't do much good, then it's discarded rather
than regretted. They are truth seekers in the sense of learning things, always
stimulated by the possibility of learning more and never believing that they
are already a finished product. If they are with a barber they are interested
in the problems of that trade. They never feel superior or act as if they were,
bragging about their merits for others to applaud. They learn from children,
stockbrokers, and animals. They want to know more about what it means to be a
blacksmith or a cook, a whore or the vice president of a corporation. They are
students who learn, not teachers who teach. They never have enough knowledge
and they don't know how to behave like snobs or feel superior since they never
feel that way. Each person, each object, each event represents an opportunity
to learn more. And they are aggressive in their attitudes towards their
interests, not expecting the information to come their way but going after it.
They are not afraid to talk to a waitress, or ask the dentist what it feels
like to have your hands in people's mouths all day, or ask a poet the meaning
of this or that phrase.
They are not afraid of failure. They do not equate success
in a company with success as a human being. Since their self-worth comes from within,
they may look at external events objectively and simply think that they are
efficient and positive or inefficient and negative. They know that failure is
only an index of other people's opinion and they should not be afraid of it
since it cannot affect their self-worth. Thus, they dare to try anything, to
participate in things simply because it is fun and they are not afraid to have
to explain themselves. Likewise, they never choose anger that immobilizes.
Using the same logic (without having to rethink it each time since it has
become a way of life), they do not tell themselves that other people should
behave differently than usual or that the facts should be different. . They
accept others as they are and work to change the facts that displease them.
Thus, anger is impossible because there are no false or exaggerated
pretensions. These people are able to eliminate emotions that are somehow
self-destructive and encourage those that help them grow.
